How to Honor Your Marriage Vows
For richer or poorer, better or worse, in sickness or in health …. Till death do us part…or until we don’t feel like any more… Huh?
Wedding vows are promises we make to ourselves, each other and before our God. How to honor your marriage vows is decision that we each make individually. We promise to Love, Honor and Obey each other. These aren’t just words spoken for one day but rather promises to each other that will enhance and strengthen the relationship between two people.
What does it look like – how to honor your marriage vows? How does that look to yourself, God and your partner? Does it involve being willing to get help along the way? To be willing to utilize marriage councelling?
A common misconception is that love is just a feeling. It isn’t. Infatuation is a feeling. It’s that flutter in your stomach, the flip of your heart, the intense desire to see and hear this person.
Love, on the other hand, goes beyond infatuation and is a choice. You choose to love your spouse no matter what. Even if they have habits you hate like leaving their clothes on the floor. Even if they snore, eat too much or lose their job. Even if they yell at football games, won’t go to plays and have never picked up a book.
You choose to love someone and the feelings follow. By choosing to love someone you are choosing to honor your marriage vows. In a culture where so many people expect life to be easier than it is, marriage councelling is something that should be built in to marriage vows. Why? To acknowledge from the outset that couples need help from others in order to keep the substance of their vows over time.
Honor. It is not an accident that the word ‘honor’ comes into almost every military mission statement, credo or belief. Men appreciate honor and respect. They thrive on honor and respect. And because the military system was built on male testosterone – only recently admitting women – it’s a good bet that all men appreciate honor and respect.
Women want love while men crave respect. But women don’t respect those who don’t love them and men don’t love those who don’t respect them. It’s a vicious cycle that one or the other must choose to break if they choose to honor your marriage vows. Furthermore, men need love and women need respect. Love and respect flourish in a marriage that is genuinely healthy.
The job of the husband is to stand in front of the family. No one gets to the women and children except through him. He is the guardian of the home and the keeper of the sword. It is his job to protect and care for his wife and children.
Too many times our society encourages women to take those responsibilities from the man and leave him emasculated and broken. Men were built to go to war, to fight, to save and to keep safe. Women are more nurturing, loving and giving.
Women often have the foresight to see problems that men don’t recognize but it is the man’s responsibility to make those decisions.
Both the man and the woman must honor their marriage vows together in order for the relationship to work well. While she acquiesces to his decisions he must listen to her opinions and her knowledge. The ultimate responsibility for the decision lies on his shoulders but only after he take all of her knowledge into account.
How to honor your marriage vows isn’t commonly a modern perspective. However, considering the modern divorce rate of 50% or higher it appears that the more traditional values that once held marriages together are a more appropriate approach to marital bliss. This doesn’t mean that you should just “settle.” Rather, honoring your vows can include respectful arguments about improving the marriage. Sometimes marriage councelling is needed in order to figure out how to keep the marriage vows in the face of big disappointments, financial stress, or illness.
Women aren’t expected to be doormats or treated poorly, abused either verbally or physically, or taken for granted. But rather it is the responsibility of the man to treat his wife as he would princess, with honor, love, respect, and caring. When any woman is placed in a position where her physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being are protected and honored it isn’t difficult at all to give up the control that once was a necessity.
While living alone it is necessary for a woman or a man to have complete control over everything that happens and life is lived. Once married however, some of that control over the more mundane issues of ‘things’ can be given over to one’s spouse who then must shoulder the responsibility for decisions, whether right or wrong.
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