How to Honor Your Marriage Vows

For richer or poorer, better or worse, in sickness or in health …. Till death do us part…or until we don’t feel like any more… Huh?

Wedding vows are promises we make to ourselves, each other and before our God. How to honor your marriage vows is decision that we each make individually. We promise to Love, Honor and Obey each other. These aren’t just words spoken for one day but rather promises to each other that will enhance and strengthen the relationship between two people.

What does it look like – how to honor your marriage vows? How does that look to yourself, God and your partner?  Does it involve being willing to get help along the way?  To be willing to utilize marriage councelling?

A common misconception is that love is just a feeling. It isn’t. Infatuation is a feeling. It’s that flutter in your stomach, the flip of your heart, the intense desire to see and hear this person.

Love, on the other hand, goes beyond infatuation and is a choice. You choose to love your spouse no matter what. Even if they have habits you hate like leaving their clothes on the floor. Even if they snore, eat too much or lose their job. Even if they yell at football games, won’t go to plays and have never picked up a book.

You choose to love someone and the feelings follow. By choosing to love someone you are choosing to honor your marriage vows.  In a culture where so many people expect life to be easier than it is, marriage councelling is something that should be built in to marriage vows.   Why?  To acknowledge from the outset that couples need help from others in order to  keep the substance of their vows over time.

Honor. It is not an accident that the word ‘honor’ comes into almost every military mission statement, credo or belief. Men appreciate honor and respect. They thrive on honor and respect. And because the military system was built on male testosterone – only recently admitting women – it’s a good bet that all men appreciate honor and respect.

Women want love while men crave respect. But women don’t respect those who don’t love them and men don’t love those who don’t respect them. It’s a vicious cycle that one or the other must choose to break if they choose to honor your marriage vows.  Furthermore, men need love and women need respect.  Love and respect flourish in a marriage that is genuinely healthy.

The job of the husband is to stand in front of the family. No one gets to the women and children except through him. He is the guardian of the home and the keeper of the sword. It is his job to protect and care for his wife and children.

Too many times our society encourages women to take those responsibilities from the man and leave him emasculated and broken. Men were built to go to war, to fight, to save and to keep safe. Women are more nurturing, loving and giving.

Women often have the foresight to see problems that men don’t recognize but it is the man’s responsibility to make those decisions.

Both the man and the woman must honor their marriage vows together in order for the relationship to work well. While she acquiesces to his decisions he must listen to her opinions and her knowledge. The ultimate responsibility for the decision lies on his shoulders but only after he take all of her knowledge into account.

How to honor your marriage vows isn’t commonly a modern perspective. However, considering the modern divorce rate of 50% or higher it appears that the more traditional values that once held marriages together are a more appropriate approach to marital bliss.  This doesn’t mean that you should just “settle.”  Rather, honoring your vows can include respectful arguments about improving the marriage.  Sometimes marriage councelling is needed in order to figure out how to keep the marriage vows in the face of big disappointments, financial stress, or illness.

Women aren’t expected to be doormats or treated poorly, abused either verbally or physically, or taken for granted. But rather it is the responsibility of the man to treat his wife as he would princess, with honor, love, respect, and caring. When any woman is placed in a position where her physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being are protected and honored it isn’t difficult at all to give up the control that once was a necessity.

While living alone it is necessary for a woman or a man to have complete control over everything that happens and life is lived. Once married however, some of that control over the more mundane issues of ‘things’ can be given over to one’s spouse who then must shoulder the responsibility for decisions, whether right or wrong.

Anger, moodiness and arguments happen in all marital relationships. Every couple has arguments and disagreements. Every couple gets angry now and then – sometimes with each other, sometimes with circumstances of life. When anger is due to hypoglycemic symptoms, then eating a snack becomes more important than marriage councelling. Everyone gets moody now and then and may snap at their loved ones.

But what about when anger or marital arguments boil over into something far more serious?  Uncontrollable anger could be a result of hypoglycemic symptoms and if you or your spouse suffers from bouts of uncontrollable anger, or your arguments get out of hand, it’s possible that hypoglycemic symptoms are messing with your relationship.

Hypoglycemia is a condition where the brain isn’t getting enough of its main food – glucose. Glucose is a sugar that’s produced by the liver and is delivered in steady doses to the brain. This enables the brain to function correctly and to oversee the functions of all of your body’s systems. When the brain isn’t getting enough glucose, it can’t handle its many functions well, and you begin to notice hypoglycemic symptoms. They are:

• Dizziness
• Sweating
• Headache
• Hunger
• Shakiness
• Irritability
• Paleness
• Moodiness
• Clumsiness
• Confusion or lack of concentration
• Tingling around the mouth

You’ll notice that irritability and moodiness are two of the hypoglycemic symptoms on the list. If you add a pounding headache and confusion to the mix, you have the perfect breeding ground for anger. Because the brain is already not functioning well, it doesn’t have the capacity to regulate moods and reactions as well as it would if it were getting enough glucose.

You can see how hypoglycemic symptoms may lead to an angry outburst. Over-the-top anger is bad in any situation and can cause damage well beyond just the immediate outburst. In a marriage, if there are severe outbursts of anger and arguments, the outcome could be damage that is simply not repairable.

It’s important to be checked for hypoglycemia if angry outbursts are common. If the diagnosis is positive, treatment is fairly straightforward and fairly easy. Watching for hypoglycemic symptoms is your first step to ending anger and marital arguments that are just too much to take. Ask for a glucose tolerance test if there is suspicion that you or your partner are suffering from hypoglycemic symptoms.

Even if hypoglycemia is diagnosed and treated, you’ll still have times of irritation and some arguments – this is normal in any marriage. But if you treat the hypoglycemia carefully, you’ll find that the worst of the anger and arguments subside, as do the other hypoglycemic symptoms, leading to a happier, healthier life for everyone.

Forget Your Pride and Start Marriage Councelling  for Your Kids’ Sake

Starting  a series of marriage councelling sessions can be an important way of caring for your children.  Unrelenting arguing between husband and wife is the perfect recipe for your child to develop an anxiety condition. The overwhelming emotions that the younger child feels combined with the sense of powerlessness to do anything about the problem eventually makes the child feel trapped.  Who will advocate for your kids if you don’t?  When a child knows mom and dad are in marriage councelling, he or she can relax because, in their minds, something is being done about the problem.  They don’t have to worry so much.

Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks in Children

But when a child sees no solution her feeling of being trapped becomes the perfect soil for the symptoms of anxiety attacks. Just like adults, children experience fear, anxiety and apprehension. These are but normal emotional experiences that a person feels regardless of age. However, if anxiety becomes irrational, recurring and severe, and anxiety attacks happen without any apparent reason, and the reaction is disproportionate to the problem at hand, it can be a cause of concern.  Another benefit of marriage councelling in this case is that the parents may be a little more relaxed and thus have enough “mental space” to be attentive to how the conflicts are effecting the children.

This is why on the first signs of problem, have your child get proper diagnosis by a health professional to be able to rule out any possible causes and determine the right treatment to be applied. Since recurring anxiety attacks are often signs of an anxiety disorder, it is important to know what happens to a child who is suffering from a particular disorder.

Parital List of Possible Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks in Children

1. Frequent feeling of fear and panic
2. Bed wetting
3. Tantrums and excessive crying
4. Fear of making mistakes
5. Fear of getting embarrassed
6. Avoidance of certain activities such as school event and summer camps
7. Nightmares and night terrors
8. Compulsive behaviors
9. Resistance to any change
10. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence
11. Overly shy and difficulty making friends
12. Chronic physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches without any apparent reason, or, “Mommy, I can’t breathe…”

Are Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks the Same as Panic Disorder?

The symptoms of anxiety attacks in your child one time does not constitute an anxiety disorder.  Only when panic attacks become recurring does it suggest an anxiety “condition.”  However, by the time a parent notices one panic attack, the odds are that the child has already had other attacks previously that escaped notice.

A child is under an anxiety attack if she displays 4 or more of the following symptoms all at the same time:

• Gush of overwhelming panic
• Hot flashes or chills
• Trouble breathing or choking sensation
• Feeling of loosing control or going crazy
• Feeling and fear of dying
• Feeling unreal or detach
• Nausea or stomach cramps
• Hyperventilation
• Shaking or trembling
• Feeling like passing out
• Chest pain or heart palpitation

When your child says, “It’s hard to breathe,” or “I can’t get enough air…” then he or she may be reporting hyperventilation and it’s good to ask about the other symptoms of anxiety attacks on the list.

Different children of different ages or even of the same age may manifest different symptoms. Moreover, some of the symptoms given may be considered as a normal behavior of a child when there are no other symptoms. Thus it is a bit tricky to determine if he or she is really having an attack or not. What should be done is to recognize these symptoms and consider them as a reason of concern, then help your child deal with these symptoms through the following: Seek help from health professional at least once to get a good diagnostic read.  Many parents do not do this.  Why?  Because if they are avoiding marriage councelling for themselves, then they may also be in denial about what all the marital tension is doing to the kids.

Effectively stopping anxiety attacks begins with recognition and followed by a compete diagnosis from your medical doctor. A full medical examination should be administered in order to rule out any other physical causes unrelated to anxiety. Doctors usually give prescription medications to help relieve anxiety.  SSRI antidepressants are the best because they are not addictive and they give the child much-needed relief so that they can work with a psychologist on natural ways to deal with the anxiety.

Negative Impact of Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks

Recurring panic attacks almost always have a negative impact on a child’s ability to concentrate in school, enjoy play, and sleep well. Panic attacks create dysfunction in a child’s socializing. Since children are more fragile, they more vulnerable to such attacks and the effects of these attacks may be more severe than to adults.  If a child is not having impaired concentration from the tension between mom and dad, then the panic attacks will certainly impair concentration.  Marriage councelling can become the first step in facing what is happening in the family as a whole.

Some Causes of Panic Attacks in Children

Two of the most common reasons of anxiety attacks are school phobia or separation anxiety.  But these may be masking the root cause:  fear that mom and dad are going to get a divorce.   Sometimes an anxiety attack is brought about by unresolved internal issues , which are not directly connected with the trigger. For example, a child who experiences a death of a loved one may panic whenever a certain reminders of death or loss come up in a TV show.  Or, overhearing an argument between mom and dad can trigger the feelings of previous fears and losses.  The traumatic experience that he or she went through in the past which are not processed properly can come out, in this case through an attack.

A child may also show episodes of anxiety attacks because the problem at hand reminded him or her about family conflicts. Fighting in the family as well as anticipating the divorce of parents may be traumatic to a child that when witnessing a similar situation, he or she goes into a panic.  If you marriage problems have been going on for more than two months, it’s best to swallow your pride and schedule an initial session of marriage councelling.

When couples go to marriage councelling the therapist usually assigns homework.    This can involve reading something, discussing something, or doing a communication exercise.  It can also include planning a romantic getaway.

But do you really need to pay for marriage councelling so that someone can tell you to plan a getaway?

What’s stopping you from enjoying fun in the sun surrounded by crystal clear waters? For many the top reason they can’t enjoy the romantic getaway of their dreams is due to the price tag. When people think of romantic getaways, they think of faraway places in exotic locales and normally these types of vacations aren’t very friendly on the wallet. Don’t give up though. These are not the only romantic getaways to be enjoyed.

Think of it this way,  if you plan these getaways before your marriage is in crisis you could be using the money you might be spending on marriage councelling on romantic getaway instead.  Instead of thinking of a budget as restrictive, think of it as the first step in your plan to enjoy a worry-free romantic getaway. Look to your budget as a friend who helps keep you in check, not the enemy keeping you from experiencing the romantic getaway you want. These helpful hints will guide you in planning a romantic getaway on a budget.

1. Plan Early – The best deals are normally found far in advance of the trip. By planning ahead you may find that you can afford to budget a romantic jaunt once every season instead of just once a year. Once a month is also doable if you keep the trips simple.
2. Rent a Car - Cheaper rental prices can be found if you pick up the car on Thursday and return it on a Monday. This is a good way to travel without adding mileage to your own car. For locations that are not too far away but require a bit of time driving, use the road trip to spend time talking and enjoying the scenery along the way.
3. Explore Your Own State – We often think of a getaway as leaving our state, but any change of location that is relaxing and romantic is a great way for couples to spend time together. Check out the mountains and beaches in your state. Each state has points of interest. For example, in the state of North Carolina, there are romantic cabins and hotels in mountainous areas like Asheville. There are also beachfront views in Wilmington and the Outer Banks.
4. Take a Bus Tour – Bus tours take trips to many popular places. These are coach tour buses with comfortable seating. Many times the cost of the trip includes hotel rooms and food. You can take a weekend trip to wine country, casinos, or other locations without spending a penny on gas or having the dreaded worry of doing the driving.
5. All Inclusive Resorts – If the romantic getaway is to last three or four days, research all inclusive trips. With these deals, airfare, hotel, and food are included. A number of activities are included in the package so you don’t have to leave the resort if you don’t want to. Mexico, the Caribbean, and Hawaii are just a few places that have all-inclusive resorts.

A budget doesn’t have to stop you from spending time together away from it all. In fact, planning ahead makes the trip more romantic, because money is the last thing you have to think about. Instead you can concentrate on each other, which is the whole point of a romantic getaway in the first place, right?  If you simply cannot pull this off without fighting and arguing than you best spend the money instead on high-quality marriage councelling.

What is the big complaint of most women? They receive romantic gifts from their husbands that miss the mark totally. The gifts are either appliances for the house or something that the husband could use more than they can. What is going on? Instead of meeting his gaze and gift with a frown and a sigh, give him a helping hand.

Girls, we want him to be a mind reader, but the truth is that he will never be able to read our mind. No matter how long you are together, guessing what we want is not going to be one of his strong points. Cut him some slack with a romance list.

This is not just any list though. Give it real thought. Think about the things that you want from him. These should be special things for occasions like anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, and getting out of the dog house days. Another list can be created for things that he can pick up for you to surprise you or make you feel better when you are down. These lists will give him a great starting point.

Be specific about what you like. Listing that you like clothes, does not give him an idea of the size, color, brand, style, or particular article of clothing. The same goes for your husband as it does in other areas of your life – you only get what you want if you ask for it.

Men often get discouraged with unsuccessful gifts. After a while they will stop trying and go back to the old stand by: flowers and chocolates. There is a book on the market called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. The book lists the five different types of love languages and describes their attributes. Knowing a person’s love language can give insight into what will make them love and show love better.  Reading books about marriage can save you a few sessions of marriage councelling because you won’t have to spend time learning certain basic concepts.

Along with the list, give him the book. This is as close to mind reading as he will get, outside of marriage counceling.  If you want something deeper than just the right gift for every occasion, use this book to help him to get in touch with you as a woman. If he uses the book as it was meant, he may not need your romance list to pick out that perfect gift you’ll love. But, keep your list just in case.

Don’t hang your man out to dry. Let him know exactly what you want from him and you just may be surprised at what he can deliver.